


A Gift

by mykha



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of self-harm, Oral Sex, Slow Burn, Violence, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-04-27 15:39:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14428791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mykha/pseuds/mykha
Summary: You arrive in Hope County at the same time the Deputy does, but while they run from the Seeds, you join them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In case you don't like blood, just letting you know that there's some of that in this chapter.

Everything hurt.

A high pitched ringing greeted your ears. You brought your hands up to cover them, wincing from the shrillness of the noise, then from the movement itself. Every part of you felt bruised, even your bones. You were sure you were bleeding somewhere, but your entire body felt fuzzy, and you couldn’t quite locate the exact spot you were wounded.

You felt a wave of panic wash over you, nearly drowning you in your own fear, when you realized you couldn’t see. Your eyes were close, the lids stuck together, and the feeling of panic intensified as you tried and failed to open them. Just attempting to peel them open was unbearable, and you helplessly settled for blindness.

Slowly the fog that covered your body faded, and you could feel the earth beneath you. Your hands felt around, looking with your fingers for a solid place to propel yourself up from. Grass, dirt, sticks, rocks- metal? Suddenly you found the source of blood, crying out in pain as your fingers brushed against something sticking out of your left side.

It was like opening your eyes after they had been sewed shut, the sensation borderline painful, but you had to see the full extent of the damage. You became very aware of your own sobs as the ringing softened, becoming more of a low hum that made your head vibrate uncomfortably, leaving you dizzy.

Now you could hear the rest of the world as well, and even though everything sounded muffled like cotton had been shoved in your ears, you could hear distinct noises that filled you with a sense of urgency. Distant shouting, fire crackling, dogs barking, and gunshots.

With newly opened eyes, you looked down at the shrapnel jammed just underneath your ribcage, another choked sob escaping your lips at the sight. You glanced around, only seeing the tall trees and clear night sky at first, before noticing the large hunk of burning metal stationed to your left. It looked like it _had_ been a helicopter, before crashing and burning, and presumably becoming the source of the metal in your side.

You took a moment to just breathe, squinting at the flames as you tried to recall how you even got here in the first place.

The sounds of wildlife suddenly joined the symphony of chaos that surrounded you, a howl in the distance jogging your memory. You had been running, you recalled as you tried to drag yourself up, and failed miserably. Pain coursed through your veins as if it were your own blood. Your chest clenched as you let out a strangled wail, your throat tightening around your voice. You distantly realized your face was wet with tears.

Something rustled in the brush on the other side of you, momentarily distracting your agony as you sat still despite the discomfort. You watched as the maker of the noise revealed itself, stomach dropping as you recognized the animal stalking towards you. The red cross that painted its snout twitched as the wolf stepped towards you, sniffing the air as it went.

 _That’s_ what you had been running from.

It approached, looking a lot less fearsome than you remembered it being. You lay still as it made its way over to you, teeth flashing from the moonlight and flames. You closed your eyes, holding your breath while waiting for it to clamp its jaw around your throat, almost hoping for it to end your misery.

But it didn’t attack you when it finally reached your heaving form on the ground, tears still flowing out of your eyes. Instead its fangs disappeared as it pressed its nose into your hair, taking in your scent. All you could do was lay there, whimpering from the pulses of pain that consistently ran through your body; breathing seemed to be an agitator to the wound.

From this distance you noticed the patches of fur missing from its silvery coat, blood stains and grime covering it. You were just considering reaching out and touching it’s matted fur, when it ran off suddenly, disappearing into the brush it came from.

You silently cursed the creature. It was the whole reason you were in this mess, and instead of finishing its job, it just left you to suffer. Just another one of life’s big middle fingers to your face.

You coughed unwillingly from the dryness scratching at your throat. Another raspy cry fled your mouth as new tears ran the trails down your face from the old ones. You wondered if pulling this thing out would kill you faster, or if the pain would even be worth it.

The wolf returned suddenly, startling you from your thoughts as it panted over you. A part of you was angry, not wanting to see it again- another part was relieved. Whether it ended you, or at least stayed there if didn’t, you didn’t care. You just wanted this pain to stop.

But to your surprise, it wasn’t just the wolf this time. A man followed behind, tall and terrifying. His head was basically bald on the sides, while the top of his head held orange locks combed neatly into place. He held a gun loosely from his fingers, walking over to where the wolf sat down next to you.

He crouched over your body, placing the gun down next to him while he looked down at your wet face staring back up at him, a mixture of pleading and terror as you watched him watch you. His eyes found your wound, and he whistled low and short. He said something, but you didn't catch it. You realized with dry amusement that the cotton had returned to your ears, making itself comfy and blocking out everything but the sound of your own labored breathing. The world was dimming around you, and your body felt numb and heavy.

A new face appeared behind him, and then another. You couldn’t make out any details of their faces, your vision starting to fade, but you could at least tell they were male as well. Not that it mattered.

The other two seemed to be staring at you intently, before they all started talking with words you couldn’t understand through your deaf ears.

You decided you didn’t quite care anymore, you just wanted to sleep. So you did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph waits patiently for you to wake up, and (as always) his patience pays off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written in Joseph's POV, cause why not?

When he first saw you, he knew that you were a gift from God. An angel he was given as a reward for his patience, his devotion. He had dreamt about you before, the exact color of your hair and shape of your body, but he didn’t expect it to be a prophecy.

But he did know that even with the blood pooling around you, the color draining from your skin, his Lord would not take you away so soon.

Even now Joseph thought you looked heavenly. You had been asleep for two days, but you looked more alive then when you had your eyes open during your first encounter. He watched your slow breaths, making sure they never stopped. If it wasn’t for his duties to his people, he would’ve stayed with you all the time, but instead he entrusted you with Jacob while he was away.

He waited patiently for you to wake up, praying at your bedside every chance he got. He would recite excerpts of the bible to you, or even sing hymns, while he gently replaced your bandages. Jacob would try to keep his mind from wandering, distract him from the worry that made him sick. He knew that his older brother was just as worried, he could see it sometimes when the Soldier thought he wasn’t looking, but he did his best to hide it from Joseph.

Now he was stopping by after a reading at his church, greeting his brother before making his way to your room. He opened the door gently, as he always did, moving softly as if not to startle your sleeping mind. Joseph felt a strange sense of excitement to see you, an unfamiliar feeling in his stomach that unnerved him every time.

But he was greeted with a different sight than he expected.

You were sat up in your bed, facing away from him as you held up your shirt to check your wound. You hadn’t noticed his entrance, even as he softly clicked the door shut. He approached you like one would approach an easily startled animal, resting his hand on the back of the chair that was placed next to your bed.  

He was left breathless by your eyes, fully opened and looking up at him in surprise. You didn’t say anything, just watched him curiously. Joseph took his usual seat next to you, before resting a firm hand on your shoulder and leaning you back down onto the pillows. You allowed him to guide you, wincing as you did so.

You continued to watch him as he gently lifted your shirt back up, looking at the bloodied bandages. He sighed, reaching down to gather the first aid supplies he normally left at your bedside.

“How do you feel?” He asked, voice soft while he peeled away the wrappings. The wound had reopened from your sudden movement, and blood was flowing from it. It wasn’t much, but it was still more than he wanted it to be.

“Sore.” You responded, almost just as quiet as he was. He was honestly a little surprised that you answered, but it pleased him to hear how gentle and soothing your voice was. He wanted to hear you speak again.

“As you should be.” Joseph he said almost absentmindedly, focused on the task at hand. He stilled his hands when you flinched underneath him, involuntarily jerking away from the antiseptic he was pouring onto the hole in your side. He looked to you for the OK, eyebrows raised, and you nodded, looking slightly embarrassed. You remained as still as possible while he finished up. “You are safe here, my Child. We will protect you while you heal, and we will protect you when you are strong.”

You stared at him, confusion furrowing your brows.

He forced his hands not to linger, distracting them with cleaning up the supplies and throwing away the used gauze. His mind nagged at him, reminding him of all of his responsibilities. He knew he had much to do, knew he should listen to himself and leave, knew he should let you rest and recover. But for the first time in a long time, he gave into his greed.

You asked him about many things, your voice soft and dry from the lack of use. Where were you, how did you get here, why were you saved, who was he?

Joseph answered all questions truthfully, his patience never once wearing thin, even when you accidentally repeated some of them. He smiled to himself watching you flush with frustration towards yourself.

He told you about Eden’s Gate and how it would protect you from the Collapse, how God brought you to him so that he could keep you safe from the end of the world. And he told you about the Deputy, how they had arrived the same night as you. How they had tried to take him from his Family, and how God did not let that happen.

Then he told you of his siblings, describing them all in loving detail, closing his eyes to imagine each one as he did so. You asked questions about them too, your curiosity seemingly never ending. He smiled gently and told you that you would soon meet them yourself, and you could ask them all you wanted to know then.

When you finally ran out of questions, he indulged himself further, his greed overflowing from his mouth before he could control it.

He asked your name, repeating it softly when you told him, loving the way it felt on his lips, how it slid from his tongue like silk. You smiled when he said it, a sad smile that didn’t reach your eyes.

“Joseph.” You said, saying his name the same tender and loving way he had said yours. It sent electricity through his veins, watching your lips form his name, hearing the longing in each syllable. “No one has ever said my name like that…”

Your sorrow resonated through him in a familiar way, and he waited patiently for you return your melancholy gaze to his. You were greeted with an undeniable look of understanding, a look Joseph was known for. He could look into the soul of people and see their torment, hear the agony in their laughs, feel the despair in their tense posture. And he understood all of it, all too well.

That’s why God chose him. People were drawn to him, drawn to his eyes that seemingly knew all, and his words that wrapped around them like a blanket, ensuring their safety in his presence. God chose him to lead the worthy to Eden’s Gate, and that’s what he does.

His dedication and tireless devotion to his mission is why you were here. Joseph admits, sometimes he doubts himself and the work he is doing. He has seen the Collapse happen, many times, and yet sometimes he feels like what he is doing isn’t enough. But his Lord knows he is on the right path, and so you were sent as a sign of goodwill, to remind Joseph that he is doing everything just as He intends.

He stood up suddenly, unwillingly getting ready to leave. He spent too much time here, and if he didn’t leave now he wasn’t sure he ever would. Now was not the time to get distracted, no, he needed to work twice as hard. He had felt so much more driven now more than ever, needing to prove to God that such a gracious gift would not be taken for granted. Your eyes followed his movements, new questions on the tip of your tongue.

“I have kept you awake for far too long.” He started before you could, adjusting his jacket and glasses in an attempt to avoid your disappointed gaze. “I will have Jacob bring you food and water for when you wake next. Now rest, my Child. Nothing will harm you here.”

Joseph pulled out a small container from inside his coat pocket, opening it and placing it on the dresser by your bed. The Bliss gently overflowed from it, wafting through the air and making its way slowly to you. He pressed his forehead to yours, mumbling a prayer, before placing a chaste kiss in your hair.

You were out before he even left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy (and surprised) by the feedback I got! Originally this chapter was like super short and I wasn't even gonna include it, but I decided to add some length to it to repay ya'll for the all of the positivity I got, so this is a thank you to everyone who was kind enough to read my story! I really hope you guys like reading it as much as I like writing it, and I would love to hear anymore thoughts! Thanks a million!


	3. Chapter 3

It had been weeks since you first awoke in Jacobs compound, weeks since you first met Joseph and his yellow sunglasses. He had come by frequently to check up on you, a pleased expression always on his face when he saw you. Every time he visited, he would tell you just how special and important you were to him- to everyone. He would tell you that you were a gift from God, a gift that he and his family would cherish and love and protect.

No one asked you what you had been doing that night, how you ended up running away from one of Jacob's Judges in the first place. You were grateful for it, wanting to leave the answers behind you, along with the past you had been running from.

You saw Jacob the most out of everyone. His presence was intimidating at first, and you would subconsciously cower in his presence. But you quickly learned he had no intention of harming you. In fact, he was quite literally a gentle giant, at least with you.  You were surprised at how light his touch was, considering he had bear paws for hands. He would bring you food, carry you to the washroom to bathe or use the bathroom, help you dress if you were too weak that day, and change your bandages when needed.

You had a lot of weak days. You felt like you should have been getting better, it had been over a month, and yet you still felt dizzy whenever you stood, your legs more like a newborn baby’s then a grown human. The hole in your side was almost completely healed, but they all insisted you didn’t leave your room unless absolutely necessary. They said it was dangerous outside, where Jacobs men were being trained and you were still too frail to be up for too long. You hadn’t even gone outside since you arrived at Jacob’s compound. The window in your humble room gave you a clear view of the ‘training’ going on.

Despite the ugly sight, you found yourself uncaring. A part of you knew you should be disgusted and horrified, even threatened. Yet, you couldn’t find yourself to feel an ounce of fear, or disdain, or hatred. You didn’t feel much of anything when you saw the cages, the shells of men curled up in corners, starving and filthy.

Eventually you connected it to the green fog that seemed to linger over the drinks they gave you with your dinner. It tasted wonderful, sweet and smooth when going down, and it would immediately make you feel light. All of the horrors just outside your window seemed like a distant dream, even though you knew they weren’t. People were being broken down and built up again in favor of the Project at Eden’s Gate. But whatever drugs they slipped you made you numb to all of it. Sometimes you wondered if it made a difference at all.

Initially you thought they used it just to help you sleep, but the longer you stumbled over legs that should’ve been stronger by now, the more you realized it wasn’t.

It didn’t exactly bother you though. You were more curious about it; what was it and why did they give it to you?

It was a John night, and you noticed you had been staring at your foggy drink for too long while he was talking to you. He was watching you, showing no signs of annoyance, but more like he was waiting for something.

 _Oh,_ you thought, _he thinks I’m going to fall asleep now._

You smiled at him, gently placing the cup down on your lap, and he beamed back.

The first time you met John, he had barged into the room, making you drop the forkful of food in your hand. Jacob-who had been keeping you company-scolded him, swatting him on the back with his large hands. Even though there wasn’t a lot of force behind the gesture, John still stumbled forward, whipping around to curse at his older brother, before shooing him away.

He was charismatic, loud, and he had the same striking blue eyes as his siblings. He was always dressed in clean, ironed clothes, his chest always slightly exposed. He explained how excited he was to see you after apologizing for startling you, but you quickly learned that he had a short fuse.

He would snap at the smallest things, though never at you. Sometimes it would be at the guards when they didn’t move as fast as he wanted them to when you asked them for something, and he would practically drag them from the room by their shoulders. You could hear the blows through the door.

Once he broke the radio in your room, his nerves worn to nothing from hearing the same songs play on repeat. He and Jacob fought about it, before John was forced to leave. The next time he came back, he had brought you a vanilla scented candle as an apology, which you had lit as often as you could to mask the smells coming from outside.

He was a man full of anger and malice, but you could also see the longing in his eyes. He was always so careful around you, almost sheepish when you would catch him in an act of fury. Sometimes it was hard to believe he was just strangling a man for not getting you a glass of water, because he would immediately turn around and cater to your every need.

Joseph told you once that he wanted your acceptance, that all of his family did. You understood his words now as John looked at you almost hopefully, waiting for you to say something.

“What is it?” You blurted out suddenly, feeling pressured by the intensity of his gaze. He blinked, smile faltering in surprise. Before he could speak, you gestured to the cup and it’s tinted liquids inside. “Whatever you put into my drinks, what is it?”

“Ah,” his smile returned again as he plucked the drink from your fingers, “this is a drug Faith makes, called the Bliss. It’s used to help the sinners blind with ignorance and hatred to see.”

You stared at him, surprised by his nonchalance on the subject. You had truly expected him to make something up about it, or even ignore the question entirely. Instead, he swirled the liquids around, and you both watched the green mist overflow from the rim, drifting about the room and creating a haze. You felt the effects start to pull at the edges of your mind, but you still had more questions, and you forced yourself to stay conscious.

“So you brainwash them?” You arched a brow challengingly, waiting to see how he reacted. You had to admit, sometimes you purposely pushed John’s buttons to see what his limits where with you. So far, the imaginary line you wanted to cross was unseen, and it continued to stay that way now.

He snorted in amusement. Out of all of the siblings, John enjoyed your straightforward attitude the most. You weren’t outspoken, but you also weren’t afraid to speak your mind. Your stubborn curiosity was endearing, not just to him. Though sometimes your frank demeanor startled the other family members, they found it to be an admirable quality. An open mind, but not an easily influenced one.

Of course, manipulation and brainwashing was something they weren’t afraid to use, but they still prefered followers that presented promise. Blind followers were just that- blind. If Joseph fell tomorrow, they would mourn for awhile before finding a new leader to follow. They were loyal, but only for now, which was why they used Bliss and fear to keep them in line.

But minds like yours, they were rare. You didn’t need to be tortured or drugged to be loyal, you just needed honest answers when you asked for them. Even without the Bliss clouding your thoughts, John was sure your alliance would not change whenever they took you off of it.

He handed you back the cup, crossing his arms against his chest. He didn’t seem to be affected by it at all, which made you wonder if he was immune to it. At the rate you were going, maybe you’d develop an immunity to it too.

“In a sense, yes.” He said casually, leaning back in his chair. “But we do it to help people see; to protect them from the Collapse.”

That was one of their favorite words: Collapse, Sin, God, Atone. They all had such different personalities, but their vocabulary remained somewhat connected from sibling to sibling.

You pondered his words, returning your thoughtful gaze back to your Bliss water. Spots of lights started to dance just outside of your vision, making you sway tiredly as they moved inwardly. You blinked them from your eyes, looking back up to John who was still watching you closely.

“Do all of you guys brainwash people?” You tilted your head to the door of the room, referring to the experiments Jacob did out there. The Seeds hadn’t been shy about what they were, and what they were doing. You knew you should’ve been scared, you should’ve detested what they were doing, but whether it was the Bliss or your indifferent outlook on the evils of the world, you didn’t seem to care. You had been through so much by now that this whole cult thing seemed normal to you.

They also didn’t treat you bad, in fact you were treated almost like royalty. Joseph had told you time and time again that you were a gift from God, and whether or not you believed in some big man in the sky, their devotion to _you_ alone made you believe it in some way.

But even if you didn’t agree with their beliefs, you could at least agree that the world was gonna end. Whether or not it was the way they prophesied it, you didn’t care.

“In some way or another, yes. We do what we must.” He shrugged, not a trace of guilt found anywhere on his being. You were more surprised with yourself that you had even considered he would feel any remorse for him and his siblings acts.

“Are you brainwashing me?”

“No.” He laughed, despite using his least favorite word. Just the idea of them influencing your mind with their homemade drugs was so unrealistic to him that he couldn’t help but laugh. “Unless you want us to.”

When he saw the way your face twisted in a mixture of confusion and horror, he laughed again, leaning over to you and ruffling your hair. You swatted his hand away, unamused with his joke. He caught your wrist easily, wrapping his hands around your own and giving it a gentle squeeze, his eyes softening once again.

“We only give you the Bliss to help you sleep,” he explained, thumbs running soothing lines across your knuckles, “and to help with the pain.”

His eyes drifted over to the spot where your wound once was, now just a small scab that only needed a regular bandaid to cover. You thought about how uncomfortable it would have been to sleep without the Bliss. Most of the time you forgot you were even injured to begin with, until someone changed your bandages, or you accidently touched it in the shower, where the Bliss seemed the least intense. Your nose scrunched up thinking about the pain from just brushing it by mistake. How much worse would that have been if they didn’t give you drug infused water every night?

At that moment, Jacob walked in, briefly looking at you warmly, before turning his eyes to John, standing near the open door as a sign. His time was up, much to both of your displeasure.

The younger sibling stood, releasing your hand and leaning down to press his forehead to yours the way Joseph did so often. As he pulled away and made to leave the room, you couldn’t help but ask: “Can you stop drugging me?”

He froze in the doorway, both him and Jacob turning to look at you in shock. The Soldier turned to glare at his younger brother, who put his hands up in innocence. You intervened before they could start to bicker, placing your cup down on the now empty chair near your bed.

“It’s not necessary anymore. My side is basically healed, and it’s not like I’m gonna try and escape. I have nowhere to go.” That was a lie, you definitely had somewhere to go. It was more of a matter of you _not_ wanting to go there.

They both stared at you, looking slightly uneasy. You realized this wasn’t up to them and sighed, averting your gaze to your fingers picking at your skin nervously. Your voice was quiet, pleading. “I’m just tired of feeling so weak all the time.”

There was an uncomfortable silence that hung over all of you, and you watched from your peripherals as the brothers exchanged looks, a silent conversation happening with just their eyes. Some part of you felt jealous of their relationship. Despite all of their fighting, they were still so deeply connected that they could simply talk without words. You wondered if you would ever develop a bond like that with them.

Jacob sighed suddenly, pulling you from your thoughts as he left his spot by the door to pick up your Bliss filled drink. He looked at it, then down to you, and you waited nervously.

“I’ll talk to Joseph.” He said firmly, his eyes softening when he watched the way your face lit up in relief. A large hand patted your head, before they both turned and left your room, shutting off the lights and blowing out your candle as they went.

Without actually consuming the water, the usual fog you felt over your mind and body was nonexistent, and you could feel each of your toes wiggles, the sheets underneath your fingertips, smell the vanilla drift through the air from the freshly snuffed candle. It was like you were using your senses for the first time again.

And it was strange, falling asleep sober for the first time in a month. Your mind was exhausted, but your body wasn’t on the same page, tossing and turning without the help of the Bliss to sedate the sporadic movements. Eventually you wore yourself out, your restless limbs finally laying still on the mattress.

 _Only You_ played in the distance, followed by gunshots that reached your ears clearly for the first time since you got here. You found yourself humming along, despite the screams, until sleep took you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait!! This took awhile to get up cause I couldn't get on the website to post it >:( but it did give me some time to at least work on other chapters, so that's good. Welp, I hope ya'll enjoyed this, I'm sorry if it's going too slow, but next chapter has some good stuff, in my opinion. Would love to hear your thoughts!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mentions of self-harm and abuse are in this chapter, as well as some violence.

Carson stirred next to you, lifting her head as Jacob entered the room. He stared at the wolf curled up next to you in annoyance, and she stared back, baring her teeth. You patted her head absentmindedly, silencing her disobedience to the man who trained her.

“They are wo-”

“Wolves, yes, I know.” You sighed, snapping your book shut and putting it to the side. He shook his head in disapproval, but didn’t say anything else. The argument was so old by now, you guys could probably have it without being in the same room.

It had been a few months since they had taken you off of the Bliss, and in those few months you have managed to do not much of anything at all, other than befriend the Judges that roamed just outside of the compound.

Jacob was shocked when he found you curled up under a tree with an oversized, _mind controlled_ wolf. You were fast asleep, and the damn thing hung over you protectively, not allowing him anywhere near you until you woke up and approached him yourself.

No one understood what it was about you. The Judges were aggressive, only staying in line and on their side because of the training they were put through. And they were _wolves,_ natural predators to begin with. Yet, your presence alone seemed to placate them, turning them into oversized lap dogs. That didn’t mean you were safe however, and you had the bites and scratches to prove it. But despite the animals random outbursts, you always defended them, disallowing any harm towards them.

They had all given up fighting with you about it when they saw how happy the wolves company made you. You had given them baths and tended to their wounds, and even given them names. Their hunts were more successful since you started caring for them, their actions more violent when directed towards an enemy target. And they would return from the hunt to you, proud of the blood they wore, wanting to show you how well they did. They were rewarded with food and pets and then a bath, cleaning them of the that days hunts and preparing them for a new one.

Carson, the one that seemed attached to your side wherever you went, was actually the wolf that had been chasing you that day. You thought it was funny, to think that she had almost led you to your death, and now she was a loyal companion that protected you from it. The Seeds did not find it as amusing, but they kept it to themselves.

Joseph had been the most understanding when he first saw your relationship with the Judges, how your eyes brightened and your laughter was true, even when being drenched in water while bathing them. He was enthralled by you, his heart leaping into his throat when you turned those delighted eyes to him, asking him if he wanted to pet them. When he said nothing, due to uncertainty more than fear, you leapt up and dragged him by his arm to the wolf you were grooming. You introduced him to Tiny, who was not small in any way shape or form, but you insisted that she was the smallest of the group. He was more focused on you then petting the wolf, smiling to himself from witnessing such pure joy as you guided his hand through Tiny’s damp fur.

Jacob was more cautious, more concerned that you were putting yourself too close to danger. He tried to reason with you at first, but he couldn’t deny the way you improved their skills just by giving them your attention. He only argues with you about it when he finds you alone with them, worried that they could would attack you without anyone there to help. Even if you did somewhat agree with him, you weren’t always the one who seeked them out. They would often go to find you when they weren’t busy hunting resistance members. He started calling you ‘Pup’, which annoyed you almost as much as him reminding you what kind of animal they were.

Faith had laughed when she first saw how attached the beasts were to you, before giving you the same warning the others had. She didn’t like to be around them, even when under the influence of the Bliss, but she made an exception for Carson. ‘People are easier to understand and control’ was her reasoning.

And John was absolutely furious. He fought with you and his brothers, throwing things and shouting. He was angry with Joseph and Jacob for allowing it to happen, and angry at _you_ for being ‘stupid enough to get anywhere near them’. You started giving him the cold shoulder afterwards, his comments leaving a familiar sting. It was something that really broke him. He came by frequently, apologizing profusely and begging for your forgiveness.

He was there when you first got bit, had been pleading with you to just talk to him, when Abel, the largest of the pack, had gotten to riled up from the strange vibes between you two. You think he had meant to snap at John, who had grabbed your arm and spun you towards him. Instead, he got you when you swiped his arm away with your own, putting your limb right into Abel’s jaws.

The Judge had barely sunk his teeth in before he had started to let you go. John shoved him to the side, falling to the ground with you while you held your bleeding arm in pain. You thought he would’ve gotten angry again, started yelling at you or beating the dog, but instead he scooped you up and carried to right to Jacob, where they immediately start to tend to you. Abel had followed closely behind, whimpering the whole way and licking your free hand when you offered it to him.

After that, John started to understand your relationship with them. They were therapeutic in a way, and you were a part of their pack. There was no way you would be able to fully avoid conflict, that’s just how pack animals worked. But even when they would get too rough with you, they would instantly start to whine and lick you as an apology. As much as he hated it, he knew why his siblings hadn’t done anything. No one wanted to take that family away from you.

You stared down at your arm, the scars still fairly new there. Carson’s tongue lapped at them suddenly, making you smile softly as you scratched her head in a thanks.

“Is it bedtime?” You asked Jacob, who was still standing in your room. They had never given you a clock, so your only source of time was your window, unless you wanted to walk all the way to Jacob’s room every time you wanted to know. It was dark now, the only sources of light being the spotlights stationed around the compound, and the faint glow of the moon.

“Not quite.” He grinned suddenly, stepping aside to reveal a familiar face.

Joseph entered the room, spreading his arms wide to you, lips upturned ever so slightly. You gently pushed Carson’s head from your lap, vaulting from you bed and into his embrace. His laugh was a pleasant sound, the rumble in his chest vibrating through you as pressed yourself closer. He pressed a kiss to your head, murmuring a prayer into your hairline.

Out of all the siblings, you and Joseph were the closest. Of course, with each sibling you had a specific bond. Jacob was more like an old friend, someone you could talk to easily and even playfully argue with. Sometimes you would push him playfully and he would muss up your hair in return. If you were having a bad day, he would just sit quietly in your company, letting you lean against him while he preoccupied himself with papers about the Deputy that was wreaking havoc in John’s region.

Faith was like a sister, though depending on the day she could be older or younger. She made you feel more comfortable with yourself, praising you day in and day out for every little thing she could. She would braid your hair and tell you how lovely you were, what a kind heart you had, how happy she was to have you in this family.

John and you were known for your cynical humor and sarcasm when together. He loved to pick on you, as lovingly as he could, but he loved it more when you fought back. He made you laugh, his wit and charm making you feel at ease, even when teasing one another. And if it was an off day for you, he would distract you from your dark thoughts with vividly detailed stories that would capture your attention by the end of his first sentence. He had a way with words.

But Joseph, he was almost a mixture of them all. A quiet presence, his words always carefully construed when he spoke, his eyes always hard to read behind his yellow sunglasses. He would remind you of your importance to him, compliment your beauty and soul, finishing his admiration with a gentle kiss to your skin. He wasn’t as serious as he always seemed, his sudden humorous remarks always caught you off guard, but you couldn’t stop yourself from grinning.

He was the most familiar with your darkest moments, and he would hold you, gently rocking you back and forth while he sang to you in his calming voice. His fingers were calloused and rough, but gentle when they wiped away your tears, shushing your sobs while he rubbed reassuring circles into your back.

The first time he saw your scars, you cried, terrified of how he would look at you when he saw the different marks that marred your skin. The burns, the then fading bruises, the cuts from both yourself and others. And instead of the disgust you thought he would have faced you with, he pressed his lips to each and everyone he could find, healing the wounds that had been internal as much as external with just his tender touches.

When he finished, he finally kissed you, slow and careful. You felt all of his love and power melt into you, rushing through your body in an unfamiliar way. You had never been so completely and utterly accepted, never so cared for and treasure in any way. As he showed you how it felt and what it meant to be loved, you couldn’t stop the tears that continued to escape from your eyes.

And when he pulled away, you saw all of the emotions that were unfamiliar to you as clear as glass, flooding from his eyes. For the first time, he didn’t have a perfectly controlled expression.

Since then, he wasn’t shy about his feelings towards you and their intensity. You still had to get used to such new things, but you were so ready to try. He was a man that put his faith in you simply because his God told him to. He called you a gift, his angel, his blessing, his saving grace, and you felt the same way about him. He was your saviour, your protector.

You tightened your arms around him before finally releasing him, forcing the raw emotions to not surface as you revealed your face to him so he could press his forehead to yours.

“Stopping by for a visit?” You asked when he moved away, his hands still cupping your face like you were the most valuable thing in the entire universe.

“Actually,” the lines around his eyes crinkled when he smiled, “I will be your guest for the night. I hope you will treat me kindly.”

“As kind as I can manage.” You joke, finally stepping back from him. His teeth flash briefly when he lets out a soft laugh, before disappearing behind lips that you were still familiarizing yourself with.

“Alright, _now_ it’s bedtime.” Jacob chimed in, looking between the two of you and at Carson still lounging on your bed. He snapped his fingers, grabbing her attention. When her ears perked up and she looked over towards the source of the noise, he pointed towards the door. “Out.”

She let out a huff, ears flopping, then stretching out before hopping down from the bed and walking past you to get one last pet. Jacob watched her leave, before turning back to you and asking if you needed anything. When you shook your head, he mussed up your hair, wishing you a goodnight. He left, leaving the door still open.

“Tomorrow I would like to introduce you to some of my most loyal followers.” Joseph told you happily after Jacob had left, the excitement flitting through his eyes like a blue butterfly. You felt your stomach flop. It would be the first time you were actually leaving the compound. The first time you would see Hope County past these gates, and meet the people who worshipped Joseph as God more than the one he preached about. “Will you come with me?”

You swallowed, nodding your head when you couldn’t find you voice. He looked relieved when you silently agreed, a small breath escaping from his mouth like he was holding it in.

The way he left his lips parted seemed to inviting too pass up, and you distracted yourself from the anxiety that was starting to bubble in your stomach by leaning up and kissing him. He made a soft noise of surprise, but quickly returned the kiss, his mouth moving softly against yours. His hands gently pulled you closer to him by the waist, holding you against his chest. When he pulled away you let out a whine before you could stop yourself.

Joseph tensed, his ocean eyes wide and looking over your face, their barely contained heat washing over you. If you had to explain the color red to a blind person, you would describe it as the way you felt in that moment. Your entire body felt hot, cheeks and chest flooding with warmth, making you feel like you just sat down in a pool of lava.

“Rest well, my Child.” His voice was carefully controlled, almost robotic as he pulled away stiffly. His gaze kept shifting back to your lips like he had no control over it. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Joseph.” You barely managed to choke out before he turned around and practically fled the room.

He closes the door behind him after he leaves, leaving you to turn off the lights and crawl into bed and bury yourself in your covers of shame. You don’t expect to fall asleep easily, not with your gut doing nervous flips around your ribcage. Anxiety was becoming a solid entity that surrounded you, pressing down on your shaking body like a weight, and whispering in your ear everything you did not want to listen to.

You felt sick as you thought about what had just happened, the embarrassment still flowing freshly through you, skin still flushed. And the thoughts of tomorrow's activities didn’t calm you down in the least.

You tried to reason with yourself, telling your overactive mind that there was nothing to worry about. Joseph would never judge you, or put you in harms way. And if he did, Jacob would stop him.

It wasn’t even like you were worried something was going to happen on the way there. You knew about the war going on between the Seeds and the resistance being led by the Deputy, and you probably should have been worried about being blown up by one of their members. As far as you were aware, your whole existence was supposed to be a secret from them, to keep the rebels from targeting you. Going on a field trip in broad daylight was sure to blow your cover at least a little bit, and that should’ve concerned you as well.

But no, you were worried about how you were going to face him and function around him for an entire day. And you were worried about the people you would meet. Joseph’s loyal followers, seeing the person he no doubt talked about. His gift from God.

Would they accept you?

Sleep seemed like an enemy, staying hidden out of sight so you couldn’t capture it. You were left with your raging thoughts until it finally crept up on you, knocking you out from behind, still unseen after what seemed like hours. And you only stayed unconscious for what felt like five minutes before you woke with a start.

You glanced around the room, looking for the disturbance that caused you to wake up. You found nothing out of the ordinary, before you noticed the curtains around your opened window being pushed around lazily by the wind. The window you hadn’t opened all the day.

As if on cue, a weight pushed down onto you suddenly. Hands roughly grabbed your neck, cutting off your scream before it even had a chance to leave your throat. You gasped wildly, the pressure too well known, hands lashing out against your attacker. Nails scraped against their face and hands, but they hardly seemed to notice that you were drawing blood.

Your eyes finally adjusted, and you recognized the man as one of Jacob’s soldiers in training. He was covered in grime and blood, a crazed look glazing over his eyes, as he mumbled over and over to himself: “Cull the herd.”

As if through cement walls, you heard sirens, and they drowned out his words and your desperate breaths.

The man held you down with one hand, as he removed the other to reach behind him. It was as if your vision had blurred out everything else when the knife came into view, clear and sharp and threatening. You tasted iron and salt, blood and tears as you desperately swatted at the weapon, catching him off guard and throwing off his aim. The blade caught your cheek, and you would have cried out if you could have.

With fading strength, you caught his arm, stopping his attack a second time. He was so much stronger than you, the tip dropping closer and closer to his mark. You had no chance, no way to fight against him. Your legs flailed as you struggled under his weight, sweaty hands just barely keeping the knife out of your sternum. 

 _After everything,_  you thought,  _this is how I'm gonna go._

A part of you was ready, your grip faltering enough that the tip of the blade pricked your skin. But the rest of you was unwilling to give in, thinking about how you finally had the chance to start over. To be with a new family. To be with Joseph.

A rush of adrenaline surged through you like an internal fire, and you blindly clawed at him with one hand, nails digging into his eye. He screamed, grip loosening just enough for you to wrench the weapon from his fingers and plunge it into his chest, a sob escaping you as you felt the skin give way. The air almost felt invasive as it started to flood back into your lungs, stinging the whole way down your bruising throat.

The man weakly made an attempt to grab at you again, making gurgling noises as you pushed him off of you, and you whimpered when his body hit the ground like a ragdoll. You pushed yourself up against the wall behind you, wanting to be as far away from the body as possible, but trapped in your bed as he bled out around it. You hugged your knees as you stared at him, feeling both the weight of the world and nothing at all as you realized what you just did.

Bile churned in your stomach as you let out stuttering sobs, burying your face in your arms. You didn’t even notice the howling outside your room, or when the sirens stopped, or when your door burst open and you were being asked a million questions.

When you finally recognized Joseph’s voice, you curled into yourself further, flinching away from his touch. Through broken wails you told him repeatedly, “I didn’t mean to” and “I’m so sorry”. He tried to calm you and reassure you, but all you could think about was the feeling of the blade slipping into the man's flesh, the way his body went limp and fell over. How his eyes stayed open even as they glossed over.

You weren’t sure how many people were in the room. All you could hear was the mans words, before the strange choked noise he made before dying played on a loop. When you tightened your grip on your legs, you froze. So slowly, you lifted your eyes, dread weighing down your body as you felt a slickness coating your hand.

Jacob had been observing the body with Joseph and one other person, but they all turned their attention on you when you shrieked. You could barely stop the bile this time, gagging at the sight of your own hand, smeared in blood. You tried to apologize again, apologize for murdering one of Jacob’s men, for sinning so close to Joseph, but they wouldn’t listen.

Joseph grabbed your wrist suddenly, his grip tight as you tried to pull away from him, horrified that he would dirty himself with the blood of someone _you_ killed. You had never seen his eyes look so vibrant, the sea that lived within them was raging. At first you felt shame, felt your heart sink into your feet and plant you in place as you helplessly stared back. He was furious and disgusted.

“Did he do this?” His voice was low, laced with dynamite, and the fuse was lit. But his hands were so gentle when they touched your cheek, then neck, and you flinched from the pain. It took a moment too long to realize what he was talking about. You were suddenly very aware of the bruises that had to be lining your neck by now, the blood dripping from your cheek, your tears watering from the tenderness of your crushed throat. It became too much to speak, so you simply nodded.

Joseph growled through his teeth, pulling away suddenly and glaring at the dead man laying in his in blood on your bedroom floor. It wasn’t you he was disgusted with, much to your relief.

Jacob was talking urgently to the other man in the room, recognizing him as the one who followed the Soldier around almost like terrified puppy. Peaches. You didn’t know his actual name, but Jacob called him by that nickname so often it might as well be his new one. He ordered him to get medical supplies, to which Peaches frantically fled the room. If you weren’t in such a shock, you would’ve thought it looked comical.

The next few minutes were so blurry, like you were watching the present in fast forward. Peaches had returned with first aid, and Jacob carefully cleaned your cheek, then gave you ice for your throat. Somewhere in the middle of everything, the body disappeared, the only sign of it ever being there was the blood staining the floor.

They then moved you out of the room, Joseph carrying you closely in his arms like you were sand, and you would slip through his fingers if he didn’t keep enough pressure on you. You stayed in Joseph’s room that night, but you didn’t sleep. Even though he held you protectively close to his chest, you felt more like he was unsafe keeping a killer in his bed. 

All night, you could only think about was how easily the blade slid into place, how quickly it killed him, how heavy his body was when you pushed him away. It would be burned into your mind forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took so long cause every time I read through it, I kept changing things. I hope you guys enjoy it though!


	5. Chapter 5

The damage done to your neck was nothing compared to the damage done to your mind. You hadn’t talked since the incident, not because you knew it would hurt to do so, but because you had nothing you wanted to say. The scene would replay through your so many times, you had every detail memorized before it even happened. At first it bothered you, would leave you in tears every time the images haunted your mind. Now you were so numb to it, face devoid of all emotions, good or bad. 

They tried to give you more Bliss to help with the pain and sleep, but you refused. You felt like this was your punishment, and so you dealt with it.

You still went with Joseph the morning after to meet his people, despite protests from both brothers. They begged you to stay and rest, but you just sat in the car quietly until they gave up and let you go. The day had gone by too fast, and before you knew it you were back at the compound. You hardly remembered how the meeting went, or any of the faces there, or what the rest of Hope County looked like.

Every day was nothing more than a blur. You would hardly eat or drink, and you paid no mind to the wolves who worriedly nudged your hands, or the brothers begging you to just ‘eat a little more’. You just stared at the floor, or your murderous hands, positive you could still see blood on them.

John had called you as soon as he heard the news, and pestered you with questions you couldn’t answer. After the sixth time of Jacob reminding him you couldn’t speak, John settled for telling you that you would be moving in with him soon. Every time he called afterwards, he would tell you about his day, the ranch you were going to stay at, and how much you were going to love it.

You were told that you would be moved there within the month, which wasn’t soon enough for you. Jacob and Joseph fought about the relocation one night, the older brother insisting that John was under too much fire from the resistance for you to go there, but Joseph refused to leave you around Faith and her Angels.

“I will not take any more risks putting her around those being influenced by your training or the Bliss. John is the best option.” His voice was tight, like he didn’t quite believe it himself.

“What about you?” Jacob tried to reason.

“I do not know when their Deputy will try and come for me, but I do not want her around when they do. She is safest away from me.”

The Soldier gave up then, shaking his head in disapproval, but not saying anything more. You didn’t care where you went, you were just too close to _that_ room here. Maybe you would never be far enough away from it.

Bedtime was the worst. Sleep came sporadically, like a wave that would wash over you, then pull away just when you thought you were fully submerged. They moved you into Jacob’s room, setting up a mattress on the floor next to his bed. When Joseph was staying the night, you would sleep with him, more of his wish then yours. It made you sick watching his saint-like hands holding your stained ones when he held you close.

During the day Jacob had started to train you, wanting to you to know some basics of self-defense. It didn’t take him long to realize you had handled guns before, your hands were fluent when it came to taking apart and reassembling them, but shooting was another story. He had many questions he knew you wouldn’t answer, due to either your bruised vocal chords or reluctance, so he kept his curiosity to himself.

He would take two hours of each day to help you practice, teaching you how to disarm someone holding a weapon, dodging punches and countering them, and how to shoot. You were a quick learner when it came to everything but firing a weapon. Your hands would shake and you looked absolutely terrified to even aim at an empty glass bottle. After almost two weeks your shots got more consistent, hands less jittery, and aim more true, but the fear never left your eyes.

A few days before you were going to leave, you felt a strange urge to practice everything you had learned on new targets. Your stomach twisted in disgust as you thought about the last time you encountered someone hostile, and how it ended, but another part of you harbored a sick sort of curiosity. The thought of killing someone scared you, but what scared you more was that some part of you wanted to do it again, despite the way your stomach churned. You tried to reason that maybe if you could kill someone from a distance, it wouldn’t be so bad.

You sought out Jacob, who was with his younger brothers in his room, planning your trip to the ranch. They were huddled around the desk in the center of the room, a map splayed out on the surface, but they all turned to look at you when you entered.

“I want to train against your men.” You spoke before you could think about what to say, voice raw from lack of use. Their faces lit up at the sound of it, then immediately fell when your words sunk in.

“What? No.” Jacob spoke first, standing up straight and walking towards you, looking at you like you had gotten into some Bliss.

“I want to practice.”

“Absolutely not.” John stepped forward as well, standing on the opposite side of his brother. You let out a huff, looking straight forward at Joseph who looked like he was seeing a ghost.

Slowly he approached you, hands lightly cupping your chin as he placed his forehead on yours, shaking his head. “No, my Child. We will not put you in harms way again.”

“Are you serious?” You scoffed, stepping back from him and the two brothers flanking you. You were surprised at yourself, the anger bubbling inside you. “Look at where we are. You guys are in a _war,_ and you think I’m not gonna be in harm's way? Last time-” you sucked in sharply, vision flashing with the memory of it “-I got… lucky. Next time might not be the same. So just let me try.”

“No.” Joseph said sternly, his eyes hardening as he towered over you. You hadn’t thought this far, and yet you didn’t expect them to be so reluctant. It made sense, of course, much to your displeasure. You clenched and unclenched your fist, body starting to react before your mind could.

“Yes.” You snapped back, stepping closer to him, closer to the desk they had just been huddled around. He stood his ground, and you pushed past him, grabbing the small wooden music box off of the desk. You knew what it was, what it could do. Suddenly hands were on you, and you pulled away before any of them could get a solid grip.

The three brothers stared at you, hands outstretched, like they were trying to calm a wild animal. You glared back at them, furious that they were so determined to keep you locked away. If the resistance was as persistent as they said, then there was no doubt that they would eventually make their way to you, and you would stand no chance against them. You hardly stood a chance against a crazed, brainwashed soldier, but they were an entire _army_. If you didn’t know how to handle yourself against other people now, it would be too late then.

Even still, you knew this would be a bad idea. The idea alone of what you were about to do almost had you throwing the music box to the floor, but you were not going to let them keep making decisions for you. You had let that happen too many times in your old life, and you wanted to prove that you could handle yourself, even if it could hurt you in the long run.

Quickly you turned on your heels, forcing any doubts from your mind. You headed for the door they all guarde, cranking the music box as you went. Your body switched into autopilot, almost flawlessly dodging all of their advances. Somehow you made it past them, and you could hear them stumbling over each other in their haste to stop you, giving you time to grab one of the many weapons lying around the compound. You made your way to the back of it all, managing to avoid all of the guards on the way there, mostly because they were too confused as to what was happening to stop you.

The door to one of conditioning rooms was heavy when it closed behind you, leaving you in a dark room illuminated only by a projector. There were men strapped in chairs, struggling and screaming as the pictures on the wall changed, unaware of your entrance. You locked the door behind you and opened the box.

 _Only You_ drifted through the air hauntingly, making the shaking bodies freeze as something took over them. In an instant they were out of their restraints, and turning towards the source of the music. You dropped the box, raising shaky hands as the first one approached.

The shot fired off before you could even comprehend pulling the trigger, and his body slumped to the ground, shotgun pellets littering him with holes. You let out a small sob as the image of the man in your bedroom blinded you, as he fell off of you, blood spouting from the knife in his chest. You felt sick, wondering if this was a mistake, when knuckles connected with your cheekbone, sending you staggering back. You ended up biting tongue during the impact, and the taste of iron filled your mouth.

You caught yourself before falling, looking up just in time to barely dodge the next blow. The next shot was followed by another, your body going on autopilot as you pumped an unnecessary amount of bullets into the second man. The gun fell from your fingers when you looked down, another cry bubbling in your throat. In the distance you heard gunshots and explosions, reminding you that you weren’t safe here.

Instead of leaving like you so desperately wanted to, you followed the noises like a mindless zombie, finding yourself in a warzone. Weaponless. You ducked behind a wall as bullets flew past you, breathing heavily as you realized you just stumbled into an arena. Men and women alike were ruthlessly going at each other, any self control was lost to the music that played in their heads. You ripped your eyes away from the horrific scene, ready to make your way back towards the entrance and run away from the mess you created when you realized your path back was blocked by a woman with a pistol. You slowly raised your hands as she pointed her gun towards you, your tears mixing with the blood dribbling from your lips, as her finger gripped the trigger tighter.

A grenade rolled in just then, making you both freeze for a moment, staring at the ticking bomb, before you launched yourself forward, tackling the woman and then turning her around to use her as a shield. She fought in your arms, before the grenade went off and flung you both backwards. She was limp and heavy on top of you, and you struggled to push her off. Shrapnel protruded from all parts of her, making you cringe.

You leaned down and pried the gun from her hand, forcing yourself not to look at all of the damage. You were sure her face would be unrecognizable by whatever family she had, making you sniffle a little bit, before turning back towards the chaos.

Everyone was fighting, shooting, stabbing, blowing up, or even just punching one another to death. _This_ is exactly what you needed to be prepared for. The resistance would show no mercy, and you had to learn how to do that as well. You stepped forward, emerging yourself in the mayhem you started, clearing your mind of any guilt as you aimed your gun at the closest person.

\----

You weren’t sure how long it had been when the fighting stopped. You sat against a wall, hand keeping pressure on your leg as you stared up at the ceiling. Somehow you didn’t get shot, just came close to it. A bullet had grazed your leg, but other than that, most of your injuries were cuts and bruises.

Yet, you didn’t feel any of it. You felt calm, though you knew it was because you weren’t looking directly at the damage you had done. If you allowed yourself to look at the bodies, you were sure you would lose the small amount of food in your stomach, and you were far too tired to do that right now. So you sat, and you waited.

When Jacob finally found you, looking like one of the dead bodies strewn around, he let out a breath of relief. He scooped you up from the floor and carried you outside, where John and Joseph were waiting anxiously. They both let out their own sounds of relief, following their older brother as he took you to get cleaned up.

Joseph insisted that he help you bathe, and you were too exhausted to protest. You sat at the bottom of the shower- since the compound did have any tubs- and allowed him to gingerly wash you of blood and dirt. You washed the dirty water go down the drain, feeling no sense of embarrassment as he cleaned every inch of your body.

When he was done, you went to stand to leave the shower, but he gently stopped you. He was slightly wet from the spray of the water hitting him while he cleaned you, but he didn’t seem to notice at all. His eyes looked sad, reluctant as he told you to wait and then left the room. He returned with John.

You were given your first sin that night, but you didn’t feel much pain. You couldn’t hear the sound of your skin being cut open underneath the water, but you could feel the pressure, and you watched the blood be chased down the drain. When you saw it in the mirror, you weren’t sure it actually happened, despite seeing the angry red mark etched into your skin. Both brothers apologized profusely, telling you how much they did not want to do this, but how it was necessary for you to be able to join them in Eden’s Gate.

It didn’t matter to you, you had seen their own marks, and knew that eventually you would get one yourself. No one was free from sin, not even angels, and you proved that today. Their angel of wrath.

A part of you felt proud of it, tracing the swollen skin lightly with your fingertips, the bright wound a stark contrast to your pale skin. You had lost a lot of color lately, from the lack of food and sleep, and staying inside too much.

Joseph still called you beautiful as you looked at the mark in the mirror, hand coming around to lightly touch underneath it as well, his blue eyes a storm of despair. You smiled gently at his reflection, placing your hand over his.

He turned you around slowly, brushing your hair back from your shoulder where it sat. You stared at him while he stared at it, before he leaned down and pressed his lips to above each letter, filling you with heat as he continued past them and up your neck. He followed your jawline, up your chin, and onto your mouth, kissing you passionately. Apologetically. You knew he was sorry, and you forgave him, returning the kiss with the same amount of depth.

It felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulder, being marked with wrath. You felt _normal_. The actions that haunted you, the dreams that tortured you, they felt like distant memories. You would atone now, make up for your sin by allowing yourself to truly embrace it.

You would do it again, you knew. You would kill. And you were so, _so_ ready for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I haven't abandoned this, I've actually been writing a lot! I try to have a few chapters ready for if I do get too busy to write, but I waited until I had a good amount before continuing to post. I'm gonna try to post weekly from now on, to give me enough time to write and rewrite chapters, but don't quote me. Anyways, thanks so much for reading and I hope you guys liked it!!


	6. Chapter 6

Holland Valley was different than the mountains. There weren’t as many trees, but many open fields, and a strange amount of destroyed silos scattered throughout the area. You had trouble recognizing the crumpled forms at first, until you drove by an untouched one, and made the connection. Jacob told you that they were storing explosive materials in them, and the resistance was taking them down to try and limit their firepower. He rolled his eyes when he said that, as if exasperated by their desperation.

Another thing you noticed during the drive was the amount of people being chased down or tied up by Joseph’s followers. Most of the time it ended with the people being put in the back of a van, and taken away, but a few times you watched them try to escape, resulting in them being gunned down.

The first time you saw it, you gasped, hand clasping over your mouth in shock as you watched them stumble forward before falling face first into the pavement. Jacob warned you not to look whenever such scenarios were happening, but you couldn’t take your eyes away. It was a lot easier watching others kill, you realized guiltily.

They made it look so simple, pointing the gun and pulling the trigger. You shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat, thinking about the weight of a weapon in your hand. Even after your outburst, you were still conflicted. It was too easy to end a life, but every time you thought about the body’s slumping to the ground, the sounds they would make, you felt nauseous.

“Is that a ‘yes’ sign?” You wondered out loud, looking at the letters as you drove past them, happily distracted from your dark thoughts. They were sticking out of the ground on the way towards the ranch, making you question John’s decorating ideas.

Jacob scoffed, sticking his thumb over his shoulder, making you turn slightly in your seat to look out the window at Hope County’s version of the Hollywood sign. You gaped, unsure of how you missed the sign in the first place, even with all of the kidnapping and killing happening on the way here.

You turned back in your seat, unsettled by John’s obsession with a word, trying to focus more on the scenery as you approached your destination, than the thoughts trying to intrude.

Flashes of faces crossed your vision, making you close your eyes in hopes they would stop. You felt regret about your actions, but even more regret that you wanted to do it again.

You looked over to Jacob, assessing his casual posture and alert eyes. His hands had killed before, many more times than you. Did he ever regret it?

“Got something on your mind, pup?” His gravelly voice interrupted your thoughts, making you realize you had been openly staring at him for too long.

“How do you do it?” You asked, glancing out the window as another Eden’s Gate vehicle drove past. It was another van, no doubt occupied with hostages. “Kill, I mean.” You clarified, looking back over to him.

He was quiet, thoughtful as he pulled up to what was undoubtedly the ranch. You weren’t sure he was going to answer, and made to exit the car, but he spoke, his voice firm.

“It’s easier when you have something you want to protect.”

You sat there for a moment, hand still ready to open the door, contemplating this. In some ways it made you feel better, in some ways, worse. The first time, you were protecting yourself, merely acting on instinct and adrenaline in order to defend your own life.

But when you stormed into the testing building, used their trigger, and forced them to fight you and others, what were you protecting? Of course you had to keep yourself out of harm’s way, but that was only because you put yourself there in the first place. You killed them just for the sake of killing them, not for any self-preservation or someone else’s protection. Just a violent curiosity.

Jacob was helping you out of the truck, distracting you from your internal battle. You focused your attention on the ranch before you, feeling nervous upon entering a new and unknown place. The sun was just starting to set, casting a faint glow over the property.

A familiar nudge at your leg drew your attention to Carson, panting happily in the heat of the day. The oldest brother insisted you take her with you, as a safety measure and a parting gift. You smiled, running your fingers through her fur, glancing back to the figure who followed her out of the backseat of the car.

Peaches looked absolutely terrified of the Judge that he sat next to the entire drive, even with her acting more like a common housepet than a wolf. He carefully approached, eyes hardly leaving her form sat next to your feet. You almost laughed, before telling Carson to go, letting her search the surrounding area for prey. He visibly relaxed, finally stepping in front of you and offering the small bag that carried your few personal items.

You smiled, taking it from him gently, and noticed for the first time the name stitched into his dirty uniform. “Thank you, Pratt.”

He froze, startled. You wondered when he last heard his own name, and wished you would’ve learned it sooner. He nodded appreciatively, but still made no eye contact.

Jacob ushered you up the stairs, toward both John and the ranch. The youngest brother held his arms arms out wide, waiting expectantly. You smiled, approaching with the intention to hug him when Jacob slung his arm over your shoulder and pulled you away from him. His chest rumbled with laughter at his younger brothers disdain, before giving your shoulder a light squeeze and releasing you.

You couldn’t help but giggle as well, giving John his hug, while he glared at his brother over your shoulder. He then pulled back slightly, not fully breaking contact with you, but far enough to see your face.

“Welcome home.” He beamed, turning you to look at the new place you would be staying. He guided you inside with a hand at the small of your back, nodding to some of the guards surrounding the building as you entered. You noticed just how many guards there were on the property, all of them disappearing from view as you were led inside.

Joseph’s stare froze you in your spot from his place above the mantle. You hardly noticed John disappear from your side, too distracted by the picture holding you in place. You felt a heat rise in your body from the tips of your toes under his strong gaze. Thinking back to your last encounter with him, the way he kissed you, how his hands lingered on your skin. You blinked, forcing yourself to look away when the warmth reached your cheeks.

The room you were in was very open, a seating area on the side you were on, and a dining area on the other. You could see through the fireplace separating the spaces, where John and Jacob were having a heated conversation. Most of the doors leading outside were opened, letting the white curtains drift freely with the wind.

You walked over to the bookshelves on the left, your fingers skimming the spines as walked alongside them. John was telling Jacob about the infamous Deputy, and how they were becoming more and more of a nuisance.  

When you came into view, their conversation drifted off, both of them watching you skim book titles. You turned towards them, feeling their eyes watching you, raising an eyebrow in question.

“You have new clothes for her, right John?” Jacob asked his sibling without taking his eyes off of you. John nodded, also still looking at you. “Why don’t you shower and change, pup? It’s getting late.”

You shrugged, walking over to them in compliance. John explained where the bathroom was located, saying he would get you something to change into while you made your way there.

Jacob said his goodbye, pulling you into a bear hug that was much too short. You felt your eyes water, and looked away when you released each other. His large hand came up to grip your chin, making you look up at him, sniffling.

“Ah, don’t make that face.” He chuckled softly, thumbing away an escaped tear. “You think I won’t visit?”

“What the hell?” John’s voice cut through the departure, making you both frown at him, but he wasn’t even focused on you two. You both followed his gaze to where Carson proudly sat by the fireplace, bloody paw tracks showing her exact route to her spot. Jacob let out a sigh, and you covered your mouth to poorly hide a giggle.

“Visit me soon, okay?” You flashed the Soldier a grin before recalling John’s directions to the bathroom,  and fled the room, leaving the two to argue.

The bathroom was easy to find, and of course it was unnecessarily large and pristine. You caught a glance of yourself in the mirror above the sink, noticing how baggy and dirty the shirt you were wearing was. It was Jacob’s, and it fit you more like a dress than anything, but you had insisted it was perfectly fine.

You pulled it over your head, making a mental note to let John know you would keep the item in your inventory, then undressed the rest of you. As comfortable as the shirt was, the underwear you had gotten wasn’t in the same league, and you hoped that they had gotten you at least one new set of underwear.

The shower lasted longer than you planned, your body relishing in the consistent heat from the water. At the compound, the showers didn’t have a lot of warm water, and they didn’t have shampoo or conditioner, just body soap that Jacob said could be used as all three. You didn’t even notice John had come in to leave your new outfit and retrieve the old one.

You dried off in the plushest towel you’ve ever touched, and put on the silkiest underwear you’ve ever worn, followed by a pair of sleep shorts and a t-shirt. The shirt was slightly too big for your frame, and dipped low on your shoulders, revealing your mark. It was still healing, and it stung lightly at your touch.

After wringing your hair of any leftover water, you headed back towards the living room with the towel draped around your shoulders. It was much darker now, with no signs of either brothers, or the Judge. You wandered around the room awkwardly, feeling lost. The sound of a telephone beeping made you jump out of your skin, and you stumbled into the table that it sat on.

Somehow, as you tried to catch yourself on the table, your hand hit the phone, causing the message that was sitting there to play. You froze, unsure of how to make it stop, feeling ashamed that you were listening to something not meant for you, even if it was unwillingly. As your fingers reached to try one of the buttons, a familiar voice made you stop.

“After all the atonements, all the confessions, and all that you have done for me and Eden’s Gate it’s not enough. Is it, John?” Joseph’s voice was slow and measured, his concern clear for his brother. You knew you should stop it right there, but you wanted to hear more of his voice, and you realized you were aching at the lack of his presence. So, you guiltily let it continue.

“Cast away your past. You need to open up your heart. You need to see that there is more love all around you. All the pain and suffering you spread will not help us in the long run. These actions will only feed the sin insi-”

The tattooed hand of the original receiver slammed down on the machine from behind you, trapping you between him and the table. You didn’t want to turn around, but you knew that you had to. You turned towards the heated gaze bearing into your back, forcing you to meet his heavy gaze.

He said nothing, just glared down at you, unmoving. His body was rigid, like a taut wire ready to snap. The towel slipped from your shoulders, but you were planted in place by the blue flames dancing in his eyes. You could feel their heat as they followed the towel on it’s way down, almost flinched from the burn as they landed on the scarring piece of skin he gave you.

“I- I’m sorry.” You stuttered out the words, unsure of what else to say in this moment, but he wasn’t focused on you anymore. One of his arms that caged you moved to rest his hand right next to the sin you both shared. Almost absent-mindedly, he ran his palm over it, feeling you hiss and recoil beneath his touch.

Suddenly he was much closer than before, his body just barely pressed to yours as his gaze returned to yours. The heat of wrath had been replaced with a new kind of heat. A different sin. You felt yourself stop breathing, losing yourself in eyes that were shared among all brothers, but weren’t the ones you so desperately wanted on you. And yet, you still found yourself tilting your chin up to him, exposing your neck as if in submission. Warmth flooded your body, embarrassed by it’s uncontrolled response to those eyes.

You thought his pupils couldn’t get more blown out, but it was as if he lost all of his iris as he watched your gesture. He looked back to you, face conflicted. It was too long before he abruptly released you, bending down to retrieve the fallen towel, and then draping it over your head.

“You’ll get sick if you leave your hair wet.” His voice was strained as he ruffled your hair with the towel. All of the air you had been holding left you at once, and you felt lightheaded. “I’ll show you to your room.”

Before you could even process what had just happened, he was up the stairs and out the door, and you shakily followed him. Regret flowed through you, and you hoped that this would never be mentioned between you two, or anyone else.  _ Especially  _ Joseph.

John showed you your room, told you were his was, then disappeared all at once. You stood outside the door to your new room, still processing the information, before entering.

It was much larger than the room back at the compound- you shuttered remembering the blood you stained it with. Carson perked up from her spot on the queen sized bed, her tail thumping happily against the silky covers. Her fur was back to it’s usual white, no longer stained with blood. You gave her a shaky smile, relieved to see her, and quickly slid into the sheets.

If you weren’t beating shit out of yourself, you would have savored the feeling of it all. How the bed felt like an actual cloud, and the blankets were the softest things that ever touched your skin, or how the pillows were  _ so  _ comfortable, you probably could’ve passed out right then if you weren’t mentally murdering yourself with a shovel.

The Judge snored softly next to you, falling asleep a little while after you had entered, but you were still wide awake. Shame and guilt kept shooting through you like electricity, not just because of what had happened, but because of what you were considering doing.

Since the incident, there hadn’t been a day that you didn’t sleep at least in the presence of another person. You slept on the floor next to Jacob most nights, and sometimes next to him if he caught you anxiously fidgeting about too much- he always complained you were making too much noise that he couldn’t sleep, but you knew it was more for your sake than his. And you always slept curled up next to Joseph when he was visiting, his arm wrapped around you, bare chest pressed against your back.

As much as you hated yourself, you felt that  _ maybe _ you could get  _ some  _ sleep if you were with another person. Unfortunately, Carson wasn’t a human, and the only other person who was, you had just had a very traumatic experience with.

After another hour of your self-torture, you decided to swallow your shame, regret, and whatever pride you had left, and made your way to John’s room. You knocked softly on the door, bees swarming around in your stomach. As soon as your knuckles tapped the frame, you immediately wanted to be back in your bed with your wolf, and deal with no sleep.

But before you could act, the door opened, revealing a very much awake John. His expression was carefully controlled, but he looked a little more relaxed in his pajamas. You forced yourself to swallow, looking at the floor.

“I, uh… I can’t sleep…” You cleared your throat awkwardly, picking at your skin. “I… I’m used to sleeping with... someone.”

There was silence from the doorway, and you refused to raise your head to see his face or let him see the shade of red you were. You were about to tell him to forget it, and retreat, when he sighed. The sound of the door creaking open further made you look to him, and he gestured for him to come in. You were surprised to find him smiling, even if it was strained.

“You’re killing me.”

That made two of you.


	7. Chapter 7

It took weeks for the tension between you and John to dissipate, though it didn’t stop the awkward events that kept happening. More than once you would wake up curled against him, despite falling asleep on the other side of the bed. Then you would have to wait for him to wake up so he could let you go. You were slowly making yourself adjust to sleeping in your own bed, finding yourself becoming worriedly upset when you would have to detach yourself from his side. However, you still spent the majority of the week in his room, only spending the night in yours when you were too tempted by your desires.

Even when not in bed with each other, you would find yourselves drawn together. More than once you would be startled by his sudden presence, or even invade his own space, absently hovering over his shoulder, pulled to him by some unseen force.

It didn’t take too long for you both to get use to the strange routine, the strain between you two slowly melting away. Neither of you overstepped the unspoken boundaries, though you were sure it would have happened countless times before. Your relationship had return to a somewhat normal state.

Today you were going to watch one of John’s baptism ceremonies, along with the rest of the family. You were still getting used to being spoiled with the luxurious fabric of your new clothes, staring at yourself in the full-length mirror in your room like you were a stranger. It had been a long time since you last wore a dress, even longer since one fit you as nicely as this one did. The dress was long and white, but it was so gentle against your skin you had to keep checking you were actually wearing something.

Faith had picked it out for you, helping you step into it, and even doing your hair for the occasion. You weren’t sure where she got the tiny white flowers from, but she placed a small bundle of them behind your ear, tucking your hair in place. She squealed when you turned to show her the final product, and you couldn’t help but smile upon seeing yourself so… clean. Even with the pink new scar marking your shoulder, you felt unmarked, as if there were no scars on you at all.

The two of you walked down to the river surrounding the ranch together, Faith telling you about how excited she was for you to join them in such an important ceremony. She skipped and pranced, holding your hand and tugging you along with her, making you laugh at the sense of freedom. You could almost forget about your past, or the place you were in now, the war that was going on, as you trotted alongside Faith, your giggles mixing as you both made small jokes to each other.

You hadn’t even realized you had arrived at the destination until Faith released your hand and practically danced over to the brothers standing beneath a trail marked by white cloth hanging in the trees, greeting them all happily. You trailed behind her, suddenly feeling out of place as all three pairs of matching blue eyes landed on you.

John swallowed a little too noticeably, but he still pulled you into a short embrace. You pretended not to notice how his fingertips lingered at your waist, tried hard to ignore how much you wanted them there, and stupidly hoped that somehow Joseph had missed the entire interaction.

Jacob grinned at you, going to muss up your hair out of habit, but catching himself before Faith did. Joseph was smiling at you the entire time, sunglasses doing nothing to hide his adoration for you. His hands gently reaching out for yours as you stepped out of his older brothers embrace. You placed your hands in his, allowing him to pull you closer and press his forehead to yours.

He said nothing, but you could still see his smile, even as he pressed a kiss to your temple. You felt your cheeks grow hot as you realized John was watching, and the image of him pressed against you as you bared your neck to him flashed through your mind. You forced yourself to stay calm, ignoring the uneasy curling in your stomach.

With a hand on your waist, you were turned towards the river, and noticed the other people there for the first time. There were two men and a woman, all on their knees in the river bed, hands bound behind their backs. Two of their heads hung low, but an older man met your gaze with a defiant glare. You realized that this wasn’t a consensual baptism, and guiltily moved your eyes to where you picked at the skin around your nails.

“Let’s begin.” You heard John’s voice, the excitement it held as he approached the woman. The first two went under without much resistance, all fight drained from their bodies. It was hard to watch- the way they stared emptily into the water, or how they easily let themselves be pushed under the current. Just shells of humans, moved around like dolls.

When it was the man’s turn, he struggled violently against his escorts pulling him deeper into the water, cursing and kicking as he went. Jacob stepped in front of you slightly, blocking you from the spray, and the sight of the guards trying to subdue him. You pretended not to hear the crack of a gun connecting with skin, looked at the bible in John’s hand rather than the bruise on the man's face when Jacob moved back to his spot.

John approached the slumped figure carefully, then finally opened the book to begin reading. As if a last ditch effort, the man spit in his face, making the youngest pause his ritual to slowly wipe the saliva from his skin. With his free hand, he made a gesture towards the guards, and they moved in, ready to strike.

Your body reacts before your mind does, and you throw yourself in between the two. The guard stops the blow in time, eyes widening in surprise. John gaped at you, his mouth opening to either question or scold you, but you didn’t give him the chance.

“Wait.” You pleaded, looking between all of the siblings, noticing how Joseph and Jacob both had their hands outstretched towards you, while Faith had hers clasped against her chest nervously. Jacob looked just about ready to throw you over his shoulder and lock you in your room, but Joseph nodded in agreeance.

The guards didn’t move their pointed guns, but everyone else stood down. You turned around to the heaving man, still glaring at you. You felt uneasy, knowing all eyes were on you and you didn’t even have an idea of what you were doing.

Slowly you lowered yourself into the water, making yourself eye-level with him, your dress becoming heavy with water. He watched you closely, as if waiting for you to push him under yourself. Instead you spoke to him, soft and calm, trying to show him you weren’t a threat.

“What’s your name?”

He just stared at you, stubborn, but you were patient. It didn’t take long for him to give up, not meeting your eyes as he answered. “Ed.”

“Ed.” You repeated, waiting for him to look back to you. When he reluctantly returned his gaze you continued. “I understand your apprehension. But you can trust these people. They are only here to protect you.”

“They are thieves and murderers! And you are a fucking liar.” He sneered, malice returning as he leaned closer to your face. Somehow you managed to remain in place, still trying to radiate calm.

“If not for them I would be dead.” You told him, voice steady as you met his wild stare. “They took me in and cared for me, not knowing who I was or what I could do. But they protected me. That’s all they want to do.”

“I don’t care what they want to do! Fuck them. Fuck them, fuck your God, and fuck you.”

“That’s the thing, Ed,” you sigh as you stand and turn towards Jacob, reaching your hand out for his blade. He gave you a measure stare before handing it over, handle first. When you turned back to Ed, he was stiff. “I don’t believe in God.”

He closed his eyes, waiting for the blade to make a home in his body, but instead you waded through the water until you stood behind him. You ignored the doubtful stares as you cut his bonds, letting him slowly rub feeling back into his wrists. Carefully, knife still in hand, you placed your hands on either side of his face and made him tilt his head back until he could see you again.

“They don’t want blind followers, and they don’t want nonbelievers. They want your trust, your devotion.” He stared up at you, eyes wide and mouth open, suddenly completely entranced by your words. “Give them your loyalty and they will protect you. And in time, you will come to understand the words they preach.”

His eyes showed his internal battle, how much he wanted to believe you, but that he’s already seen so much loss. He looked sad, a man that has lost too much, but still has just enough to live for. You placed your forehead on his, closing your eyes and dropping your voice so only he could hear you, the sound of flowing water providing a cover for you words.

“The world is ending. Don’t let your pride get you killed. You will betray no one but yourself if you give up this opportunity.”

He was silent, contemplating. His body shook in your hands, a mixture of fear and chills from the water. All at once the tremors stilled as he let out a long sigh. “I’m ready.”

You smiled, pulling away from him and signaling John over. Carefully, you handed Ed off to him, and made your way back to dry land, where Joseph immediately pulled you into his warm arms. He looked at you as if he had found his God, ready to drop to his knees and worship the ground you stood on.

“You are a saint.” He murmured, peppering kisses into your hairline. You buried your face in his chest, letting all of the anxiety you carefully hid slowly slip out.

Jacob gently pried the knife from your clenched fist after he draped his army jacket around your shaking shoulders. You weren’t sure if he realized the shaking wasn’t from any type of chill, just your nerves, but you were thankful for it anyways.

Joseph rubbed your back soothingly, excusing you both from the ceremony and guiding you back up towards the ranch. He took you to your room wordlessly, sitting you down on the bed, and moving to get you dry clothes to change into. You whined, grabbing his arm and pulling him back towards you. It had been too long since you had last seen him, and you were feeling embarrassingly needy.

He smiled, allowing you to drag him over to you, where he stood before you. He carded his fingers through your hair gently, his hand coming around to cup your cheek. You rested your face in his palm, closing your eyes and feeling content as he ran his thumb across your bottom lip. You pressed a kiss to the tip of his thumb, making him pause.

Slowly, he tilted your face up towards him, and you sighed as his lips gently pressed against yours. The kiss was deeper than any of the others so far, his mouth moving slowly against yours as he pressed you back against the bed. It was full of heat and passion, all of which pooled into your core, filling you until even the light dress you were wearing was too much.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling your bodies closer. You arched into Joseph, allowing one hand to slip underneath your back and find the zipper of your dress. You felt it come undone, as it loosely fell around your shoulders, ready to be discarded. Joseph complied to your silent plea’s, gently removing the damp fabric, leaving you in just your underwear.

When the dress hit the floor, you became very aware of the situation. You had never been so willingly bare to a man before, especially not one in the league of Joseph Seed. He caught your wrists before you could cover yourself, disallowing you to hide from his steady gaze that drank every inch of you in. Everywhere his eyes touched left a trail of burns, blue fire scorching your skin from its intensity.

“Let me worship you.” Joseph’s voice was strong, determined to show you just how divine you really were to him. He waited for your consent- a small, anxious nod- before he carefully removed your bra. He moved slowly, giving you time to change your mind as he pulled the piece from your chest, further exposing you to his wandering eyes.

You distantly noticed his sunglasses were missing, and tried to recall when they had disappeared, but the thought was cut short when his mouth began pressing kisses to your chest. His hand gently massaged the breast his lips weren’t ravaging, thumb rolling over your hardening bud. You gasped, eyes closing as he kissed and licked and sucked, leaving marks across your skin.

He stayed there for some time, switching sides, making you squirm beneath him. You hardly noticed his free hand trailing down your stomach, distracted by his endless praise between kisses. When his fingers trailed over the center of it all, you moaned, hips jerking up from the pressure you didn’t realize you craved.

You tried to cover your mouth as he teased you through your panties, but the new sensation was stripping you of coherent thoughts. His fingers circled your clit, providing just the right amount of pressure, before slipping lower and feeling the wetness soaking through your already damp underwear. You felt his moan in your chest, where his mouth still pressed hot, open mouthed kisses to.

His weight disappeared from you suddenly, your mind to frazzled to comprehend his movements. You laid there, a panting mess, pupil blown eyes trying to find Joseph. They landed between your legs, where he sat, eyes watching you as he gradually dragged your soaked panties from your thighs.

His movements were slow, paced, still giving you the chance to stop him, despite his feverish look. His breathing was labored, hair falling from his usually perfectly manicured bun. The blue of his eyes was just a small ring of light around the blackness of his blown out pupils, an eclipse in an ocean. You almost couldn’t meet his fierce stare, but you were so enchanted by him, waiting to see what he did after he discarded your underwear.

He wasted no time showing you when you gave him no sign of stopping. His beard scratched against the insides of your thighs as he kissed and nipped at them, the friction forcing your moans from your throat. You tried to stop the lewd noises, embarrassed that they were coming from  _ you,  _ but Joseph’s mouth had suddenly made its way to the apex of your thighs. Any previous thought of silencing yourself was long gone as you arched your back, hands grabbing at his hair, a loud mewl filling the room.

You keened as his tongue slid up your folds, finding your clit and giving it his devoted attention. Strong hands held your thighs in place, keeping your legs open for him to ravish you. He hummed around your clit while he sucked on it, eyes locking on yours when you started pulling needily at his hair, sending new waves of heat through you.

When a finger slid into your entrance you couldn’t help but realize how  _ empty  _ you felt. You bucked your hips as the digit curled inside you, finding a spot inside of you that made you curse as the digit pressed against it. He was gentle as he pumped them in and out, allowing you to adjust fully before picking up speed, his tongue still drinking in your essence.

It felt like being on the Bliss again, lights dancing around your vision as a haze clouded your mind, undeniable pleasure filling up every inch of your body.It was almost painful, how good it felt, winding your core tighter and tighter, making each moan breathier and shorter, desperate. You didn’t know what you were so desperate for, until you did.

Joseph’s name fell from your lips like your own personal prayer, the taut feeling in your center suddenly snapping in euphoria. Heat flooded your body, nearly drowning you in it as you moaned and whined, grinding your hips into his fingers, his mouth, wanting- no  _ needing _ \- more.

A second finger slipped inside of you suddenly, and you almost sobbed from the new addition, legs shaking from the ecstasy that was coursing through your veins.

He lapped at you hungrily as you finished, like one of Jacob’s trainees being fed for the first time in days. The unbearable heat that had filled you slowly slipped out from you and into Joseph, leaving you basking in a pleasant warmth.

You whimpered when it all became too much, the pleasure becoming almost uncomfortable as you came down from your high, and you gently tugged his hair to signal your end. He groaned as he reluctantly pulled away from you, unready to depart with your sweet essence so soon.

He looked up to you, and you could see your slick coating his mouth and beard. All of the embarrassment you had been too distracted to feel all of a sudden overflowed at the sight, and you covered your face in mortification. Apologies spilled from your lips, even as Joseph tried to shush them.

“Why are you apologizing?” His voice was soothing, almost playful. You could feel him hovering over your naked body, feel his breath on the back of your hands.

“Because…” You didn’t even want to say it out loud, heat returning to your body like a reverse volcano. “You did something like that.”

He merely laughed, clearly not seeing how much this affected you. After a moment he gently pried your hands from your face, greeting you with a strange look. He smiled at you like he usually did- like God had hand delivered you straight from heaven, like you were an angel that was laying beneath him. But there was a sparkle in his eyes, a rare look, as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Don’t apologize. You taste heavenly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo ya'll would be interested in some polyseed?

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope ya'll enjoyed reading this, I've been working on it since I started playing Far Cry. I liked the idea of the reader being a completely separate character from the Deputy, but I also wanted to loosely follow the course of the game, so I felt like I had to keep good ol' Dep in there. I'm also gonna end up changing the tags later, cause I do expect more characters to pop in, and things will get more intense, but I'm new to all this so I wanted to start off simple. Again, I hope this was a good read, and I would love to hear any thoughts!


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